My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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