I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
