Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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