He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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