Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
