When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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