We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
are you so shy because you have an std?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
