I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
