I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
