then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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