why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
