How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
