you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
