We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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