She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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