There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
