Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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