so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
