Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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