I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
