I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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