who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
