You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
