you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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