I could make wine with my vomit
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
