I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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