wat bout pragnant strippers??
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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