It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
