She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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