The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize