The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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