god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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