on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
