He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
