I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You work out of a Hotel?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
