i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
