How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
