Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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