ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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