well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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