she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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