drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
