I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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