I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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