I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
