I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
