Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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