While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Drake has all the answers
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
