oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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