oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
