Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
