He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
