It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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