I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
