I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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