Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
