I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
