I want to have your abortion
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
