hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
