Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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