woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
