I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
