quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
