And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
