You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I deserve this hangover.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
