remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
