she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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